My View on the Entrepreneurial Life
Am I a fool to want life’s blessing.
A trademark wave
“Hey you can do it”
Don’t worry about that feeling
Don’t worry about the restlessness
Don’t worry that you need people
“It’s all coming”.
Money is not the answer
But it sure would solve a lot of problems.
The entrepreneurial life is a headache
And I feel sick to my stomach with red
flags
And potential mishaps.
It’s not the stakes of success but the
stakes of failure
Bleeding through my stomach
I can’t stop squirming
Oozing with referral and regret
Best wishes and congratulations
Unnecessary condolences and
affirmations.
So you knew I would do this?
Why not solve the mess.
Pride and joy and jealousy
Unwillful willingness to succeed.
Why did I sign up for this.
No sleep, no good will. No-one to fall into.
An endless beneficial cost,
Where reason is blurred and thoughts are
lost. Independence superseded by painful
awareness that this is it.
Failure is doom. Winning has burdens.
Independence from mind independent of
your ‘independence’.
Goals lost and turned into trenches.
Fighting demons you wished were angels
Conveying with thoughts you thought
were wishes.
And wishes you thought you wanted.
Indifference irrelevant and prohibited.
The noise always prevalent
Suddenly nothing seemed worth it.
Power gives way to missed obedience and
ropes and ladders and all that you once
stood against. ‘Success’ is another chain.
And the process of tying it to your ankles
is ever more daunting than you could have
ever imagined.
In fact, it’s a burning sensation. Where
you leave by all good wishes and end up
in a self made hell that only you can see
but others can smell.
And you’re stuck in this loop of doom and
gloom with shadows of light. But everyone
around you is certain that you are alright.
Because they are where you were
And from order and rain
Hell looks ok.
Missed purpose your only consequence?
Or heaven and buckets and ‘success’,
Your livelihood and respect
And arrogance of decision
Relies on it. Your now dependent on that
one split second decision where you went
for it, the ‘bravery’ people brandish on
you. And it’s a slippery fucking mess.
That is yours to fall into every morning
and every night. Every midnight ticking
moment, replenishing.
Every pillow tossing thought. Every
consequential decision and subliminal
action. That now impedes every other
decision you take. Because nothing does
not matter anymore. Every cloud, every
rain drop, and second spent stressing,
and every moment spent ‘relaxing’ now
has consequence.
Far greater than you could’ve ever
imagined. So that you can have the
cherished holy grain of words:
‘Independence’.
2017